Fulfilling Your Aging Parent’s “Living Wishes” | Business Wire

I love the idea of fulfilling a living wish. Far too often we wait until it's too late to honor the people we love. Today is the day to make a wish come true, to consider the needs of a parent, family member or friend.

My dad, John A. Hoyt, is currently residing in a nursing home. Sadly, his primary living wish is to go home. Currently, that is not a wish we can honor as his daily care needs require twenty-four hour round the clock care. We have promised him we will bring him home for his final days. It's a really sad statement, one we struggle with. As a family we would love to honor his current wish and have him at home. Practically, and for his health and my mother's health - both physical and mental, we have to provide him with the best care possible at a facility located close to home. He is visited frequently by friends and family from all stages of his life. He is loved well.

Another way we honored a living wish for our dad was to create a book in his memory. He always told us he was going to write a book called, Letters to my Children. It would have been fantastic! As the oldest, I figured there might be more about me than anyone else. When it became clear he was never going to write the book, my sister, Julie Hoyt Dorman and I gathered a collection of things my dad had written throughout his lifetime - speeches, sermons, poems and letters. Julie designed the book and its cover. I edited and compiled the written selections. The end result was a book called, I Live but Once. The book was titled after a poem of the same name. My dad could not be prouder of that book - you'd think he was a New York Times best selling author! We are happy we could honor him in this way.

If you have a loved one you want to honor, there are an unlimited number of ways to do that. For suggestions, check out a book I co-authored with Scott Farnsworth, Like a Library Burning - Sharing and Saving Stories of a Lifetime.


Fulfilling Your Aging Parent’s “Living Wishes” | Business Wire

Role Reversal - When Your Parents Need Your Help

Your parents have always been there for you. For all those years growing up, your parents were the ones to offer advice, a shoulder to cry on, and always it seemed, available to lend a helping hand, whenever and wherever. Remember the first day of kindergarten when one or both of your parents walked you to your classroom, their eyes shiny brightly with the tears they didn't want you to see? How about the time you skinned your knee and mom was there to kiss it and make it feel better? What about the day you learned to ride your bike without training wheels and your mom or dad was right there running along side to make sure it was smooth sailing?

Every important moment in my life was shared by my parents. All of my important firsts (well, almost all of them), had my parents front and center. From kindergarten to high school graduation to not one, but multiple college graduations, to my first wedding. They have always been my biggest fans. If I ever needed someone to build my self-confidence or help me through a hard time, they were there.

Now, it's my turn to be there. My parents are aging--and it's hard to watch, let alone participate in. Like the Bonnie Rait song, Nick of Time when she says, "I see my folks, they're getting old, I watch their bodies change. I know they see the same in me and it makes us both feel strange." It certainly does.

I'm visiting with my parents for a couple of days to "see how things are going." Today, after shopping and lunch with my mom (my dad was home with a nurse caregiver) we went to the funeral home and pre-planned and pre-paid for my dad's funeral service. And there you have it...From the beginning of my life to the end of his, someone has to be there. I'm proud and pleased to be able to help my parents when they need me. Fortunately I have three sisters who live significantly closer to my parents than I do and they take the lion's share of the day-to-day responsibility. Today was my turn to do what I can to help ease the concerns my mom and dad have about the inevitable--death.

Ben Franklin once said, "there's nothing certain in life except death and taxes." Still true, even today. Even more important is the certainty of change. Are you ready for it?