The holidays can be stressful. There's shopping, cooking, cleaning, traveling, visiting family, wrapping presents, dealing with unmet expectations, coping with our own roller coaster emotions...Wow! I'm tired just thinking about it. Most families put the "fun" in "dysfunctional" so you aren't alone if you happen to think your family is less normal than others.
The holidays can be a great time for family to talk about important family issues, however. At least one of my clients intends to share with her family how she wants to distribute her "stuff" - the tangible personal property that families love to fight about. She's even considering holding a Monopoly money auction so the kids can "bid" on the items they want. Then a nice sticker will go on the item identifying the winner and hopefully avoiding a future dispute.
A few years ago we produced a game called Your Life, Your Legacy that has wooden coins sporting an important life question. Each person can answer the question or each can choose a question and answer. It beats talking about the weather because the questions raise real life important issues that families forget to talk about.
If you are visiting with family, this might be the time to ask those important questions, preserve those valuable memories and think of ways to hold on to a person's true legacy. Scott Farnsworth and I wrote a book called "Like a Library Burning - Sharing and Saving Stories of a Lifetime." It's purpose was to encourage families to think of creative ways to preserve a person's stories. Every time someone dies, it's like a library burning down - we've lost all that beautiful information forever. After that experience, my sister Julie and I compiled a book for our father, called "I Live but Once", a compilation of things he had written throughout his life and career along with some cherished family photos. Fortunately, we were able to present this book to our mom and dad at their 50th wedding anniversary. Four short years later my father is in a nursing home - yet, we have this awesome tribute to hold on to.
It's not unusual for people to die around the holidays. I don't know if it's the stress or it's just the right time - family is or has been together and the newly departed may have had a chance to say their goodbyes. At any rate, we always know there's going to be an increase in estate administrations right after the first of the year.
This is also card sending season. I like to write those "chatty" newsletters because not only do I want to share what's happened in my life, I'm hoping my friends and family will do the same. There is nothing more disappointing to me than getting a store bought card engraved with the name of my friend without a personal message. I'm thinking they shouldn't have wasted their time and money - I really don't care what Hallmark has to say, I'd really like to hear what they have to say. I do like the pictures of friends and their families but again, without a personal message, it loses something. A few years ago I discovered SendOutCards and my card sending has gotten a lot less complex. Now I can create my newsletter card, fill it with pictures, upload my list and send a personalized card to each of my friends! It used to take me days, now only hours. If you've never heard of SendOutCards or you'd like to try a sample, you can send a card on me!
I am looking forward to the holidays despite all that goes with it. I plan to visit our property and friends in Tennessee as well as family in Virginia. I plan to keep my expectations low and my positivity high. Have a happy holiday!
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